river flows in you.

As I sit here, listening to river flows in you by yiruma, I believe that it is a good time to examine my life. I have examined it much since I turned twenty yesterday, and to be honest I am no closer to finding out who I am or what I truly want to be. The masks that I wear to the outside world hide the inner me, however, the masks are a powerful thing...and I seem to have lost myself under their weight. I value honesty in others and continually search for truth, but I have never taken the time to "know thyself" as the ancient Greeks spoke, and is to me a challenge to every individual as much as something to ponder. I can envision it being spoken during their times, and the echoes travel to our ears today. I know it seems silly, but to me this phrase is fundamentally changing how I view myself and the people around me. As I peel off the masks, I cannot help to feel uncomfortable if only because there is security in hiding oneself within the hollow masks we so often wear. What I will find underneath is of no difference to me, whoever that is, because when I find myself only then can I change the aspects of me, my true self, that I dislike, and keep those that I see fit to be kept. Also on my mind is the transition that is fast approaching. My last friends in high school are approaching graduation at breakneck speed, and a reordering of my life will soon follow. As we all go our separate ways, what will happen to all of us I wonder many times. I know that true friendships can endure the death that time often brings, but there is always a hint of uncertainty in any situtation that we may find ourselves in...and this is no exception. I have no doubt we all will be stronger from the experiences that lie ahead, but the changes that are inevitable are intriguing at best, and frightful at worst. One thing is for certain is that nothing can stop the changes from occuring so it is best to step aside and let them occur. To fight them would be an unnecessary task, and could be counterproductive to one's growth. I'll close with quotes that I am currently considering:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
-Henry David Thoreau

Why should we honour those that die upon the field of battle? A man may show as reckless a courage in entering into the abyss of himself.
-William Butler Yeats
(This quote especially intrigues me because finding out who you truly are can be as challenging as going out to battle. I mean no disrespect to those who have died in battle, but this quote was too thought provoking for me to leave out.)

No one remains quite what he was when he recognizes himself.
-Thomas Mann